朽木百哉のブォグ

A long slumber commenced since 8pm as I had been bushed from the days’ events; prior to the day before, I had slept only 2 hours in total, as I had a late night workout, hoping to make myself tired enough to enter slumber, but after laying on bed for several hours, I can still feel that there wasn’t any entry to slumber; no dreams, no sleepy feeling, nothing.

All these dragged on till I heard my dad’s alarm clock chiming at 5AM where I then started to feel sleepy.

I had attended an interview before this at a workplace which is much nearer; opening was informed by Chloe who has been working there for quite sometime. Soon in the afternoon, I was contacted by the HR department that they have decided to hire me, and went down to sign the agreement.

The weather had been really erratic lately with periodical passing thunderstorms which made the journey challenging, and took me awhile to find the place. Well, that could all be the contributing factor to my fatigue which encumbered me soon after a quick gobble at the afternoon-cooked rice as I had started feeling hungry even at 5PM when I was on my way back from the HQ in River Valley; a long drive home with the congested traffic.

Weiming was very kind to ask if I like technical positions as he wanted to ask if I am interested to join his company as a Technical Executive. I had already got a job, so will be staying there for sometime and since working hours are regular, it’ll be easier for me to take up evening classes which will enrich my knowledge and increase my worth with additional qualifications in time to come.

My auntie is overjoyed to know that I have secured a job as I had been troubled with this issue about getting what I want for the past 1 month or so, but had not been very successful in getting the position I have applied for.

Back to what I really want; I seek glamour and recognition, just like those celebrities on red carpets and being in the limelight and getting tons of attention from media organizations…such is the kind of lifestyle I want…so now I have to boil down to know what kind of profession will lead to such a lifestyle.

21 years just passed so quickly, which I was reminded of visiting my grandmother in SGH 21 years ago, and the height adjustment of the patient’s bed was controlled by the turning of various knobs for various elevations.

This time, it has been replaced with electronic control that my third uncle, who had been admitted to due to his fall down and the swell in his left hip joint. He is already 69 years old this year; 10 years senior to my dad. My grandmother was his mum and he has lost much way, bringing the resemblance of his mum so much closer. I remember that he used to have quite a big paunch and was pretty fleshy back then when he was healthier.

There was a little dipping of my emotions when I was reminded of my grandmother whom I still miss very much to this date, who has left the world 21 years ago from cancer. No doubt my third uncle’s not feeling very well, he still managed a very warm and friendly smile which brings about a prickle in my heart that will somehow wet my eyes, because every inch of that smile he carries tells me how much he cares for me and reminded me of every bit of my grandmother who took care of me during my toddler days, and every sight that he winched in pain while trying to move to a more comfortable position brought pain to my heart too.

My cousin sister dropped by to see him from work as she is working in Tanjong Pagar, and managed to get her mobile number after so many years. The last time I visited them was for a business visit as I wanted them to benefit from the Healthmag that I was using, but then it’s the past and no longer matters.

Pray that God will keep him in best comfort and let him be well after his operation which will be tomorrow.

It has been awhile since I wrote my thoughts, as much has been occurring in the past.

For a moment back then, it felt like my career was going for a jump start when I was offered a position with a wine company in the UK, which was offered a couple of days after I submitted my application. Many things had to be prepared such as gathering more information, preparing myself mentally to suit the lifestyle and working environment that I will be in, which it all turned out to be a scam which gave me a great discomfort when they asked me to borne 20% of the fees for worker’s permit, which should be borne by the hiring company in all cases. Their practice turned out to be in accordance to the advance fee fraud which I read on a website that was provided by my aunt from her research that made me decide to drop it.

My relationship with Yuzhen became stronger and closer over the time as we spent chatting on the phone and meeting up a few times over these few weeks. She indeed was really quiet and kept very much to herself, but after knowing her through this period of time, I realized that she has somewhat the same personality as me, in the sense of keeping things to herself and not telling others about her unhappiness. Towards the end of our meetup yesterday, she revealed to me that she has this feeling of self-pity which could not be explained, and whenever such is mentioned, she will withdraw into a still quietness that leaves me thinking how I can cheer her up or break the silence with a change of conversation topic. She somehow look different when we met up yesterday, later in the night for supper, as her black top complimented her skin tone really well.

The job hunt continues. The reason that I have been living solitarily for the past few months was because I wanted to play the “Black Horse” game, that is, to work silently and then producing an astonishing result which people will envy and wonder how I did it. That is the real nature of myself.

Challenges ahead in life seems to be getting tough, but I do not want to dwell on the unhappy things in life and move on, getting stronger and wiser with life’s experiences that I may share with my offsprings in future. I want people around me to be proud of me, especially my parents, thus for now, biting my lip and moving on to greater levels would be the best thing I can do.

This process would not be easy, and require me to seal up my emotions where necessary so as to be able to focus my energy on the more important things towards my goal.

My diary shall resume on a daily basis that talks about the happenings of life that shall be etched into eternity in this cyberworld of my paper-less journal.

It has been a great time of riding since the last visit in Jul 2006 to Citylink, the town riding spot for Singapore flatlanders.

I managed to get to know Taka, Calvin, Anton, Chris, and got to talk more to Will; not forgetting Jiawei whom I have met in 2006 when I came back to the riding scene.

The place is really conducive to ride; cooler temperature and smoother surface which does not exhaust us from extended period of riding.

Currently learning the doubled version of Fire Hydrant which I was able to pull of the preliminary single variation with not much of a problem, as well as my cyclone which has become smoother than ever. The environment makes it all so fun to ride as we can ride and stop periodically to chat up and get to know each other.

Not forgetting Sharky who came from Hong Kong and Peter brought him there as I was unable to reach earlier to bring him there due to my leaking tube on my way there. I'm sure he enjoyed himself; good thing there was Will who spoke fluent Cantonese and could converse with him, as I had difficulty with my very limited Cantonese.

Flatlanding should be continuing when I am in the UK to work since I'll save on shipping if I get a complete bike from OG...still considering if I should change parts on my current bike, and which frame, fork, stem and other parts to replace...

Keep riding is the key!

Without the afternoon nap, I am already feeling sleepy at this timing, probably due to the mid-level workout I had before work.

It's nice to be able to see Yuzhen today before I commenced work and she appeared much more cheerful. As I entered the workplace, she was sitting beside Jamuna reading some papers and learnt that she was waiting for time to pass 8PM before catching a cab home to avoid the peak charges. Their team had just finished team sharing a while ago thus she hung around for awhile.

I joking teased if she was waiting for me and she jokingly agreed and was waiting for me to buy food for her, so I told her that she could ring me before I came down. Hazlind jokingly said that if she knew I would be going to gym, she would want to take a peek at me with Yuzhen and I told her that it's not free, afterwhich Shanique revolted indicating if I'm some kind of begger show.

Yuzhen teased to say that she'll be going to watch Night Safari to see me working out at gym and I was bowled over as I wonder which part of me look like a part of those creatures...oh well they're meant to be jokes so I'm fine...

Yikes...fancy being eyed on...that's a terrible thing to me. Today's attire was the sleeveless black top from my beloved but it wasn't intentional for undesired attention, but more for comfort to combat the heat of the day's earlier weather.

Oh well... enough teasing by them but it was sure a good time of laughter and short fellowship.

Will still be seeing Yuzhen time and again, but officially at working hours, tonight would be the last night since I'll be working 3 more days next week which happened to be her off days.

Glad to know that my little sis Debbie is fine and after hearing her reply via email today, and that she had been busy with work and catching up with her friends; got me a little worried when I didn't hear from her after awhile.

Hearing some news from her that she's fine brings me great relief as I didn't want to disturb her personal life since she is already attached, and yet hoping to hear from her soon in the past few days of her "MIA".

Well, things should be fine now that she is somewhat productively busy...will be catching up with her in time to come after settling down in my new job.

A chilly night kept me company in the aircon room while I tried to get some rest after hearing no news from my beloved...hope she is feeling better and have got some good rest...

The last 30 mins to endure before the end of my first of my last night shift...just 6 more nights to endure before saying goodbye to this place.

I managed to write abit more the previous night as many moments spurred on thoughts to keep me occupied through the night. Was unable to play any games online as Javascript has not been enabled on this PC thus used the time to capture some of the thoughts of the night.

Energy is somewhat still intact as I have to endure the last bit of the journey behind the wheels as I bring my cute blue car home with me to rest for the day. Not forgetting to get some laundry washed so that my room will be neater and avoid unwanted guest from keeping me company as I take my rest for the day...hopefully will be able to rest as I had been up especially early the day before, and even in the wee hours of the night even though I forcefully made myself rest in bed to make up for the late nights I had a couple of days before.

30 mins seemed like a fast time to go by but it has become a challenge for the night shifter me as I await anxiously for the time to pass before I can make my way home...hopefully still having sufficient to top up my cashcard for parking charges when I make my way home later, else it'll be troublesome to get home to bring some cash and top up and coming back to collect my cute car.

About 3 weeks into the game and levelling up steadily well, the game has proof worthy the subscription with their 24 hour support when I had some problems with my pet which was resetted to lower level cat upon entering the game. The issue was resolved on the night itself within an hour and the customer support were really helpful.

Andrew is really pro in this game as he had been playing for 2 years or so. For myself, the limit was the machine that I was gaming on which didn't support but managed to still play it with some graphic laggings, so it's time to get a new PC should I really have the spare, and I mean spare cash to splurge on a decent gaming rig.

Just 7 more levels before I can get my first mount which will enable me to travel faster across the lands of Azeroth...my little sis simply can't take it when Andrew and I started discussing about this game since I have lots to learn from him....it's so funny to see the way she react.

Let's game on and see what nice pops out...

Sweetness flowed through cyberspace after hearing that my beloved is somewhat feeling better after telling her what I wrote to her via SMS about my actions to bring her emotional comfort.

She is still not feeling well and I wish very much I could tuck her in to bed and nurse her while I do my work...just hope she can get some good rest when she returns back to rest after work with my sweet prayers, care and concern as we're not in close proximity to be able to see each other for quite sometime.

Some changes have been done to my working schedule that I've derived the following equation:

more work = less rest

and less $$ since I'll be lessing out on 2 night shifts. It'll be the final week with my current workplace...wow it's already coming to the end of September and full 15 months with them has almost been done.

A little tired as I've only rested 4 hours after charging till 1:10PM on WOW, but am fine after some rush hour in the night, while keeping myself occupied with some writeup here.

Wondering how things will go after myself and Junwei leaves in a couple of months...less are the good and many are the new...well not to bother too much about this place now but rather to keep the good of all the company I've had so far...

There had been quite a number of teases going on between me and Debbie who has left the workplace on 7 Sep 07, of whom I'm still in touch with.

I remember the first time I saw her all made up was when we went to eat at Yong Heng, seeing her dressed in a floral top with flare sleeves and her make up and long wavy hair, reminded me of Vivien Tsu in Jacky Chan's movie "Accidental Spy" where she adopted this dressing which was all so feminine and fairy-like.

She was pretty quiet back then and only after working for awhile when she sat beside me at work is where we got to know each other better. She turned out to be a cheerful and bubbly girl who always asked me for help with her work and sometimes patting my arm to get my attention while I was reading some stuff on my PC...this closeness we have is just like a brother-sisterly feeling and I mentioned to her that it had been fun having her around for company at work.

She has left for a better opportunity elsewhere since she is, too, studying at the moment. How I envy the youth she has...

On the other hand, the guys at my workplace teased me for being interested in her and I told them that she's like a younger sister to me and nothing more than than. Nicholas went on to say it could be a brotherly-sisterly romance which had never occured to me in the first place. Afterall she's attached and I have my commitment to fulfill and there's no way this could happen...well things can be unpredictable but it's nothing to worry for now.

It had been fun chatting on her though I've not heard from her these couple of days even after a couple of SMS had been sent to her. Hope she's doing fine and have dropped an email to ask if everything's alright on her side...just concerned for my little sister.

She was so cute when she begged me to do the demonstration of the well-known Death Touch which I told her that my friend Kevin actually did in front of a female classmate who found him irritating and slapped his arm as he was in the midst of the multiple symptom spasm...I still can't imagine myself doing it as my little sister has already been laughing till she almost dropped on the floor laughing...hey I'm not called the MMC (Muscular Mad Clown) or MSO for nothing...

We all have our life to go on, but being her elder brother, it's also my responsibility to take care of her in some ways and showing her concern as a righteous elder brother should.

Just hope to hear from her soon and be in constant touch.

During my conversation with Chung Kit, it reminded us of the hard times we went through when our cell leader gave us a hard time to forcefully make us go for the church camp, stressing its importance and even told Chung Kit that they have found a buyer for his mobile phone without his consent. This event was about 10 years ago and still vividly in my memory though I've put it behind me.

He told me about his cell issues which he had to resolve as some of them are not as supportive and now that he has been appointed as cell leader, he had to iron out all these issues and I popped the question about how is Esther since I've not seen her for eons. I was told that she's in the Youth and appointed as a leader there...and jokingly told him to send my regards to her, telling her that it's from the One-Winged Angel, aka the Angel of Death, half-clown, half-skull faced and he told me not to dwell on it.

He mentioned about my muscle building and I jokingly commented that it was meant to choke slam her when I see her and he said "mind you, she's a girl" and I told him it's irregardless of gender as both of us had went through the crude and tough times together...maybe it's God's will that I didn't attend it since my parents were violently objective to me about attending church events, since a consent was required when I was under 21 back then.

His dad sponsored him for a Cisco-networking course which he will be commencing soon with ITE; good for him since it would be something that he would like to do in future after leaving the forces in 3 years' time.

Time flutters like a butterfly passing our sight; it's already 7 years he's in the forces and I have left 2 years ago; life ain't that easy going though I managed to learn alot of things and get to know a few good men / women in my path of work, as well as going through the rough patches together with my beloved.

Chung Kit's still patching back with his ex and it would be my joy to see them reunited again since his ex's still sorting out some family issues and he told me that his parents find her weird when she didn't greet them after he brought her home a couple of times...guess this would need sometime since she told him that she wanted to patch back but not the right time yet.

We had sometime of animating one of his Pastor (Dom is the name) whom was pretty mean and crude back then when he started pastorship, and called his sermon "doom session" which distracted him while he was trying to get his report done...seemed like the infamous "C" virus is working well, so to speak.

This was the humor "virus" left behind by Kevin who has since retired...he had been a fun guy to be with during our secondary school days more than 10 years ago when he struck the likings of many students and went to the extend of making himself a fool for the sake of mischief.

All these are sealed in the time capsule. We all have to grow up and move on but it serves as a good tool for me to tickle the younger populations.

The muscles are steadily growing as time goes.

I managed to catch Yuzhen at the gym after her work today, and had some time to rest after chatting up with her about meeting up next time before I commence new job, or sometime later in the month with Shanique for a chill out.

She certainly has become more opened up after knowing her better and being able to converse in depth with her...just realised that her myopia is quite serious and that she is wearing contacts after a closer examination to her eyes when sitting by during our conversation...it is no wonder that I didn't see her wearing glasses at work and I told her that I had not been making new ones since I've used up my disposables quite sometime back, and she jokingly commented that guys are lazy which I revoluted in humour.

Muscles are tired by they have had a good workout after resting for the weekend and read up some information on web, that I can adopt a two-day workout, 1 day rest so that my muscles can have sufficient rest in between workouts and develop better. For now, need to finish up the workout of deltoids as they need more pump up to be in better shape.

During the workout, she gave me the "aiyo" look when I helped her carry out the sit up mat when she asked if I'm done as she is going to do her sit ups after I told her that I still have more to do, with a dash of bashfulness in her smile.

She had been pretty low-profile at work and only opened up recently when I went to talk to her. Afterall, it's good to see her talking more and am able to tell that she's of the shy nature...

Will be meeting her in a couple of days or so again and catching up after our workout.

It has been awhile since I've wrote here with all the WOW trashing that has been getting tougher by the levels I attempt to pump up...time to get a decent PC that supports the graphics processing since my laptop has reached its limits, though system has prompted that it does not meet minimum requirements.

It's finally time to say goodbye to my current workplace and going for something better, which will justify the rightful amount I should be earning instead of getting peanuts and staying way so below my beloved, who is earning such a greater amount than I am and doing more glamorous work.

I didn't want to tell her this as it would only result in negative response and getting squashed verbally and deem me useless as a man. Afterall, are there any wrong in men earning more than women, with the mind of providing more for her and his family?

The farewell dinner had been great and seeing Markus much happier than before when he was working here had been a wonderful sight, and being able to mingle with colleagues whom will be ex soon, in a couple of weeks when I officially leave this place. Sharrifah's radiant smile is one good thing about learning to be strong and positive in life despite facing challenges and gloomy situations wherever we are...an example which I can adopt to face the current difficulties I am going through.

Certainly, the 15 months had been great fellowship with many ups and downs, and while gritting my teeth to go thorugh the emotionally strenous work we all go through, it's high time I throw in the towel and move on.

Surely, they'll miss me but it's not the end to the fellowship. Our roads will still meet again in future though uncertain is the time.

There had been many things that have been changing while during my stay, and have established a good relationship with many of them. While the road ahead remains uncertain, my goals and dreams remain unclouded as I move forward to make it all come to past.

This journey may be tough and cold, and overpowerly challenging but I'm not going to give up...that might be the worst trait I have that may also be known as my strongest trait too.

Being absent from writing here had been a good time for me to regroup my emotions, plans and plotting out where my next move should be. The route to take has been pretty much clearer after recomposition and detailed planning.

Many thougts encumber my mind even at the decision of throwing in the towel; should I go full time into realty or should I move on to a better pay job?

On one hand, I wish for my beloved to be proud of me, to be able to provide for our family for life, and yet on the other hand, I have to be practical and not let the desire to be a rich and powerful man to be my stumbling block.

Balance, balance is all I need now after fixing up my cashflow issues.

The life in the forces had been great as my beloved commented how nice it is when she visited me at my camp premises back then, with the kind of good pay and considering my position to be in command and be in charge of more important things. Certainly they have been great but those days are over. Now it's the time to bring back the glory unto greater heights.

Have faith in me, beloved...it might require some time for me to be away from you, but it'll definitely be worth it as I'm not going to let nitty-gritty matters come into my way to succeed. Your love has been wonderful to keep me going...

A woke up call from my beloved distrupted my snooze which I had almost entered complete slumber when I was resting my head on the makeshift pillow from my towel across my hand and she started to ask me what went wrong and I told her that it was nothing much.

She started telling me how she couldn't sleep after waking up in the wee hours to call someone in China to scold that person for work, and thereafter having a busy day as her colleague took urgent leave and she had to do her work as well...it all seemed to implicate that I had been adding unto her discomfort that she is feeling...she then went on to say if we could grow up by not using the "momo head" gesture.

It wasn't meant to be this way and I explained to her that the gesture was something that I use to express my care for her, and though unsaid, I know that in my heart she likes me to do that to comfort her and it didn't seem so this time.

After the conversation, I return to my workplace and lay on head and trying to recuperate and get more rest, but couldn't enter the wee bit into slumber and wrote a message to her and she replied to ask me to give her a break...after sometime of no reply from her, I wrote another message but still no reply after more than 45mins...wonder if she's feeling better or still angry with me in any way.

Had I picked a wrong day to tell her how I'm feeling? She commented that emotions are emotions and it's how I feel...indeed it is what I feel but I am a sentimental person who can be affected emotionally in a way by things happening around me or to my loved ones in a way, but not this time when I tried to show her that I still care for her...

Must I be driven to the stage where my heart will be turned chilly like the metal without any lifeform in it, will she then regret, or should I still stay so loving and seemingly "wait on her" till she returns?

The tides are rough and to stand firm, my anchor must be buried deep in the soils of my faith to get what I want, which the tides could corrode its exterior and yet causing it to be more seasoned, stronger, tougher, fortified.

No more time for lovey dovey...making big money is all that is important to me now...

Just an hour more to go before calling a 2 day break to rest and recuperate for the next 3 days of continuous night shifting.

The night had been quite peaceful without much disturbance. Thank God, there wasn't any rian which could chill further, and managed to get some rest. Fortunately I didn't drive too as it would be so tiring to be stuck in the forecasted jam on the highway which I suffered a drained fatigue when driving home yesterday.

Gotta really get a good rest when I get home later as the posture to rest during night shift would be called, challenging and uncomfortable. Fortunately I am omni-adaptable and able to rest in all places as "self-trained" in the armed forces...haha!

It has been quite a while since I have written anything here...been busy raiding on World of Warcraft, or WOW for short, which is a new stint to spice up my life for the moment. Of course, the mental battling regime continues without fail, for me to enhance growth.

It's been about a week into the game and still having lots to learn before going to be able to call myself a pro. This game is simply different in terms of structure.

2:00AM

Mental processing functionality slowdown from day's fatigue has not stopped me from being able to carry out work to guide E in email correspondence since I have been tasked not to handle any.

It has been a great experience of being approached by those who need to check certain work-related issues with me. How true can value of experience be, since it has come of certain time that I have reached here. Complacency cannot enter now but the more I should keep up with skills and knowledge so as to be truly good at what I am doing while increasing credibility.

Butt planting all day for during work can be pretty "dangerous" to my physical appearance, thus countermeasures of exercises come in to keep myself healthily occupied before, during breaktime or after work.

Things will be back as per normal when I get a good rest after knocking off, while the body adjusts itself to maximum funcationality in the night. Speech clarity has improved gradually which I need to apply in my personal life too, especially to Pink so as to end tormenting her withe endless mumbles from my seemingly stiffened lips...more practice is needed to work on this to make it a good habit.

1:44am

Current work is not what's called a career in my context, but a training ground for greater challenges ahead.

Great is the fellowship and company in my workplace which I have found fun and acceptance of my cranky personality to bring joy and laughter to people around me...would I make a good comedian like Gurmit who never failed to amuse me with his role as Phua Chu Kang in the sitcom? A huge resounding "no" to that.

I strongly seek recognition for my efforts which I pushing myself against upper limits to move up as I deal with struggles in various dimensions.

Here comes the question which I had constantly been thinking through: Should I cut the rope and dive into realty, or should I continue pursuing higher levels of employment? The latter will require certain skillsets and the SED (standard entry document): Qualification, which I do not have an established specialised field.

Thoughts of re-entering military life did seep in a little but past experiences has shunned me away from reviving the vicious cycle life again.

Materialistic cruelty is subtle yet very true in this world that we live in, that forces a person to success or drives one to failure depending on how it is being handled. Some people handle finances well by making debt work for them and turning them into wealthy beings over time. Some, on the other hand, plunge deeper into it with poor handling or poor usage, resulting in a devastated life, or even leading to their deaths.

A different perception of this world, one would say, but again, facts are facts.

Vision turned a little twinky from the little fatigue and the outing since morning which had been a wonderful time spent with Pink and our little one, atop with some rush-hour training before commencement of night shift.

Pink will be away for a week abroad for work, so the rest of the week will be lonesome without her voice, company and presence...some things to do to keep myself company to help the day time pass, catch up on my rest and twitch a little to the new training program.

Another setback awaits me at the end of July till mid August when she will be away for 2 weeks, this time to a further destination at a different time zone, but again, I have already gotten used to her constant absence.

What will the future be like for us? There are some uncertainties while sustaining my positivity towards changes in our lives. I'll set the questionable part upon myself, as to my earning capacity. Though not mentioned from her lips, I know very well that she will be more than glad that I can earn substantially to provide for her and little one.

Her positiveness and trust in me, has led me on to improve my personal growth towards career improvement.

Time fleets by so quickly and there had been so much improvement in emotional management within, as well as the "side-effects" of self-shutting of desired expressions, that many a time that I wanted to tell Pink but shutted within.Previous experiences had made me shut conversation with her that worried her, but the main purpose non-guilt imposing but rather a "withdrawal symptom" when I had a "verbal strikedown" from my most beloved...

Thoughts seemed scattered here but it came around as the whiffs of past experiences came through my mind, good or bad, thus no inclination to any side.

Still in the process of learning how to make my voice and pronounciation crisp clear and audible like Terrence's...really sounds comfortable to hear his voice - the 2nd thing to notice about him apart from his lean and towering height.

Been listening hard to how people talk around me to break my normal talking habits and speak clearer; this has yet been the most challenging barrier in my life that I need to supercede.

Fiery slumber awoken from the previous day of blaze under the scorching sun at Marina Boulevard, which sapped me of almost all vital energy for the day.

The morning was gently greeted by the cooling gentle breeze caressing my oil-slicked body from as I iron my shirt in slumber to commence work for the day, with a suggestive sky tone of upcoming torrential rain, accompanied by rustling leaves.

It was a really warm day, despite my high tolerance, my enhanced perspiration caused my t-shirt to be soaked with perspiration as I snoozed in the radiation under the shelter and sunshade in my car, while waiting for pinka to finish her work. Chasm-like perspiration caused neck and chest area to be beet root coloured from rashes.The night ended with endless yawns and blurry eyes while I attempted to play on Granado Espada to level up the Stances, but fatigue are getting better of me, and decided to retire for the night.

Many dreams occurred during the night, of one which I was sitting in a meeting, to learn about how to time needed to go assume up to management level in NCS, from my ex Assistant Manager Jennifer, who was drawing in the whiteboard and explaining in detail to a group of people, whose countenance I remember not.

The scorching fiery day was the second after helping pinka to clear up her company’s leased apartment, to ease cleaning process which she has engaged a cleaning contractor for spring cleaning, at Bayshore.It was fun, Bayshore’s really a nice place with a seaview from master room which rockets the price of that particular property from locations. The view, I would say, it’s so vividly in my mind and want to stay in that place…high up with minimal urban distractions and the serenity…

Back to reality; many uncertainties of when I will attain ownership of such apartment, with additional overwhelming wealth that I can give my beloved such an enjoyable life, to be able to soak in bathtub, swim in the facility-provided pool in the estate, or simply spending time to relax, enjoy a relaxing afternoon shopping amidst the hustle of busy working class at Millenia Walk, and frequently nail salons as often as possible. Yes, such things may seem really materialistic, but it does, to certain extend, change the way that people view me.

No longer will those who looked down on me in the past be able to when I attain that level. Such is how the world goes; not trying to justify my dreams for personal goals.

Not much has been written over the weekend as I had been tired due to shift work and the moderately heavy workout programme which I had.

Was late for work this morning after fetching pink to work; was pretty upset about it due to incentive and my good records of attendance being affected…I just need a little time to get over it and move on.

I was reminded by Shufang’s “if you have a big heart” to keep the relationship going, which material and status issues had been something that had been troubling me for the past year that goes on and off like a whiff of flu.

Phoo…time flies…it’s already past 5 before I know it…the day went pretty fine for me as I managed to clear things up with pink about my incentive issue. I have find ways to make back that sum which has been forfeited from my lateness today…

Lying in bed since past midnight after a good shower and a miniature pumping iron session, mind could not enter slumber despite the comfort and quiet night.Mind had been racing on the matters of future, what I should be doing practically versus that of what I like.

Images of John Cena's powerful bod has inspired me to pump harder to gain that physique of strength and bulk flashed through my mind.It also occured to me to awaken my sheer delight in lights, flashes and clicks with the SLR which as turned digital and getting more affordable with better technologies as techies advances...doing such will require a haul of funds to get the equipments I need.I find delight the creative line in search for glamour and be in the limelight.

How I envy those movie stars making big bucks and the premiere they attend for the various movies they have filmed in...just how far am I toward glory and riches? For men, power wealth and social status are the main "gauges of measurement"...I'll never forget that moment that G* from B*A* squashed me with his "riches".

Unforgiveable.

A normal outing in the mid-drizzly night turned out to be what I call the most delightful adventure for a long time.

Driving along the old streets filled with bright lightings from the food and fruit stalls brings back nolgastic memories of my childhood days. Aljunied MRT station, which stands directly on where a village where I used to grow up, is not too far away from the old road I drove along.I brought Pink along and we started looking around for a place to savour the long-lost flavour of durian, and finally settled down at a stall and walked over, sheleterd with the light tapping raindrop sounds over our heads.

Pink prefers a not-so-bitter durian so we opted for the "cat hill" type as recommended by the hawker, which he gave a little discount after Pink asked him to make a better price...we ate the durian at a place with tables and chairs which looks small on the outside, but exceptionally spacious from the inside.Prying the durian open to expose the golden-yellow flesh brings delight and sends tingles to my tongue...it brings back good old memories of days where my dad / uncle comes home with a couple of red-perforated from durian spikes plastic bags, and sitting on the newspaper laid-flooring and eating durians as a family.

I told Pink that I started scolding my family when I was 3 and they offered for me to eat durians, and how my uncle teased me, calling me "ah niao" (literally meaning cat) in Hokkien when he sees me delighting on durians. The "cat hill" was really wonderful, lots of meat, dry and solid, yet hyper-appetising...we had 2, which Pink could not finish as it was really filling, and I finished the remaining little bit. I couldn't bear to finish it as it has really been a number of years since I ate durians, in consideration of the warm and sweltering weather, that these spiky fruit kings flourish under.

An enjoyable time, as what we call the "durian hunt".

What comes next? Some planning required.

An extended long period of long chat to clarify things has tainted my focus and energy level for today’s 12 hour shift.It has been a more in-depth discussion, much has been covered for some of the things that had been kept within me for the past year or so since she embarked on her hyper-advancing pay job. Not all are discussed as I felt that she is not ready to listen to all that I have to say and with consideration for the hours of the late night, and my working schedule for today. Slumber had been partially recovered with the sleeping thinker pose adopted while seated in the human-sardine can on wheels to work. A tick of pain surfaced when I was attempting to stretch neck to the right at the morning express workout session…it could be due to the awkward slumber posture in bus but somehow felt better than getting frightened for nothing when I read the time as near 8 when it was an hour behind in real time.

What a shock in the morning…thank God that I wake up automatically without sleeping like a dead swine till the sun rays sting my eyes.

The day went about pretty quietly without much complication. The issue of my voice clarity has been due to the wear and tear from my throat from constant voice projection enhancement which might need some getting used to. A series of recovery action will be good to soothe the throat and letting it rest…thus the reason for reduced speech quantity. The disgust of bloodshot gaze when I looked into the mirror horrifies me as I have really lack rest…

Just a couple of hours more before rounding up iron pumping, to wrap up the day.

Water fetching trip to the pantry had been a quick one with the quiet flow of water accompanied by the distant snooting and rumbling of the roadside machinery carrying out evening works on the road. Road widening seems to be going on around for most of the roadside works while I traveled around in bus or my little blue ride.
I need a good rest tonight after pumping out…I may be a little tired up in the mind, and to upkeep the discipline of pumping regularly to achieve results…muscles develop when I am in rest and therefore I have to pump it up to keep the momentum going, and to ensure a good night’s rest.

Looking forward to the snooze aboard Bus 72 which brings me straight home from the bus interchange here after a good shower when I am done with the final pump for the day.

Managed to unload a little from mind after catch up with a friend, whom I got to know in IRC since 1996. Indeed, different industry payouts rates are different so it would not be an equal platform to compare, considering the stress, commitment and working hour levels. It has been a challenging year for me to deal with power struggle, yet coping with the fact that some things cannot be changed over night. I still strive for speed to success and stretching myself to the furthest I can…

For a man, status and wealth the two main towers of pride and any challenges to these will strike a certain level of shockwave into the very inner soul. I am taking things easy and not comparing as I continue my working life.

Being liberated from military jurisdiction has been a great relieve, since I can’t have the best of both worlds; good money and good life…it doesn’t come in hand. Yes, there are no free lunches in the world, and there are fast food which are do not last and are unhealthy cos of the preparation speed and ingredients…what I desire is to “cook” a nutritious meal for long term benefits, but SOA is an important factor to me too.

We live in a world of logic law and order and anything which is absurdly fast is something I want to be part of, such as career hyper advancement in a short period of time.

They say that to shorten the speed of success, one has to compress the amount of effort required within a short period of time. Just how do we do that? We have to learn it from the minority successful people who are filthy rich in the world. At times I really wonder; where do their money come from? For now, there will be a need for me to stay focused on what I want and stake my entire abilities into it to get what I want in life, for glory, glamour, wealth and happiness.

I can feel the improvement when I slow down on my talking speed which mum was reminded of MRT whenever I conversed to her…dad couldn’t comprehend what I was trying to say thus we talked lesser; not because we are not on good terms… As working days go by, I further realized and understand that I am good at what I am doing and shouldn’t be comparing so much with people around me, especially those highly-paid top executives in society.

Life still goes on despite the catastrophe that occurred during my course of life in the forces, and really glad I am able to improve on my speech quality in my current work, which could’ve never been resolved should I remain in the forces for life.

Still need to learn how to improve on projecting my voice making it clear for comfort hearing to people I am talking to, especially my loved ones.

Starting to feel the weight getting heavier on my eyes…it must’ve been the air con and lack of rest these few days…have I overexerted myself lately? Or do I need train further train up to keep myself more beefed up to endure through times where more endurance are required?

As part of upkeeping discipline of training, I will continue workout later after work and get sufficient rest tonight for the next series of 12-hour shift.

Eyes started to twinkle and get dry as I sit in front of the PC doing work, while trying to keep my focus and alertness up.

“It’ll be over soon”, yes indeed…looking forward to hit the gym later, hopefully I can have the gym to myself, and be rejuvenated after workout and bath so I can get a good snooze on bus / MRT, whichever is the choice.

Energy level seemed to be wobbling up and down like a blob of jelly that has been affecting my concentration level to be needle sharp at times, and yet wobbly bobbly at times and seemingly unable to carry out my work swiftly and quickly.

This calls for a “full package” workout and a good rest at home after that.

Well, bodybuilding still continues and I have to workout on weaker muscle groups like the front deltoids, trapizus, calves and forearms.

Aircon went shut when I was working out half way in the middle of intense that caused gradual body gleaming with perspiration. Workout was a great one as I need to spend more effort working those weaker muscle groups which movements had been uncomfortable but I really need to pump on them to ensure growth. The muscles are smaller with fewer ligaments, thus development will be slower…I need to dedicate one day especially to train this group of muscles including the abdominals which need a fair share of effort to shape them up.

Compared to smoking, this is a good alternative as it only costs me energy, determination and consistency while building up self-discipline to train on a regular basis, no matter how many distraction factors are around me, such as binging on snacks, getting engrossed in computer games or the like, and the best thing is, I don’t need to spend a cent since there is gym at NCS which is the main factor to keep me going to workplace earlier too.

It has been part of my life for the past 3 months that I had been training diligently; even people around me notice the change in my body sihoulette, unfortunately attracting unwanted attention in some places…well this is inevitable, so long as I do not get into trouble because of my more defined physique. This is the forth.

I can’t imagine myself slopping back in the couch and turning be a couch potato again, but there is a need to keep a lookout on all those food I take in…healthier choices with a balance distribution of vegetables, meat and rice will be a good combination, together with diligent, tough training and proper rest, minus vices such as drinking and smoking, all wrapped up with a good rest every night. That still needs to be worked on. Heard that massages are good for relaxing and aiding muscle growth too but to what extend is it mythical / factual, this requires some serious readups.
The adrenaline that I get from weights training results in confidence boosting, better energy level and looking better in clothes.

Yes, training is tough, but it’s all worthwhile when you train proper and rest adequately after the workout, and not overexerting the muscles when working out a more frequent basis. My training frequency is every day but alternating between muscle groups every other day to ensure they have adequate rest between each pumping session.

I’m not all so up to become those hulky guys who are so big and huge, but at least to a certain level of development with a good set of washboard abs. I’ve always envied those guys who are able to workout to have a good set of abs without seemingly much effort to get them into shape. As a matter of fact, ab muscles are one of the toughest group to develop as they are smaller in group and respond slower to exercises.

Pumping and looking hunky is not all enough, so I’ve combined it with running during off days when I’m on a shift workweek, since it’ll be impractical for me to go all the way to my workplace to access the gym no doubt it is free, with consideration the costs involved in bus fares. I could take a walk for free to access the gym near my home and pay $2.50 per entry to use the gym.

Therefore, one of the best way which happens to be the most challenging would be to do the workout with dumbbell amidst the comfort of my room and limited space.

When you take the measurements of your various parts of body, and seeing the numbers progressing as they grow more defined and increasing in size, keeps you motivated and determined to go on to reach a higher level of muscle development.

This is one thing which I have always been most confident about myself that has never failed me.

Just had lunch at SSDC with a few colleagues and it has been quite a while since I really sat down to eat a meal proper throughout this year of shift working life. It has trained me to be pretty adaptable to work all hours around the clock though.

Time really flies. Been in NCS for a year already and learnt lots of things here…

Will be going for a gym session with one-week pass given by fitness consultant from Planet Fitness after work today, so scheduled for lunch workout has been postponed “for use” in Planet Fitness later…

I’ve always enjoyed working out in gym, being able to feel and see the muscles grow, develop and forming to change the shape of my physique.

Off coffee for the day as I do not want to feel the “mental slop back” after effect of caffeine has worn out, unless I get really sleepy from digestion phase which will require 2 hours to complete…it should almost be done so I can do a full-fledged workout later.

It’s almost time to do measurements and take a picture of myself to see progress and improvements in my physique from working.

Been getting back home later than usual recently due to going out after work…staying at home can be all so boring…walked past some furniture displays outside Eastpoint when I went to walk a little to see if there are any nice deals to grab there during off day yesterday…still having “ideas” on that S630 Samsung camera which Challenger had a $100 off + 1 GB SD card deal for their 1 year anniversary. The sale’s over so it’s a good way to “restrain” my expenditure.

About the furniture, I am desiring to have my own home, that’s why am looking through some nice once which have been on display…gotta make some plans to have my own nice little cozy home where I can have my own space with minimum disturbance from the outside world too…this is what I call my very own sanctuary.

Overdrive has been subsided as I have been eating well lately, still a little more to catch up on my rest. Sometimes I hope that I can really relax in a quiet place close to nature, such as resting quietly near a valley with the comforting sound of water flow and rustle of leaves caressed by gentle breeze running through them….that has to heavenly….

For once, my mind was blank without being able to come up with a title for my entry this round…probably due to lack of proper rest the day before.

Awoke to the gentle beeping of the alarm from Momoku clock at 5AM, which I rested till 6AM before I finally woke up. The night was a warm one which I woke up in perspiration, and even with a fan directed at me last night, the air churned out was really warm. Thank God that the air con broke down too, as it would incur hefty utility costs to use it…so, body has somewhat gotten used to the warmth.

Maybe it is partly due to the increased bloodflow, new constructed blood vessels thus I perspire pretty heavily with the slightest increment of body temperature due to warm weather….anyhow, I’m used to it and sometimes I feel pretty awkward in this “enhanced body” too…

I was terribly disgusted at H's remark about admiring my wing when she told me that when I casually asked how has she been via email…getting attention for such things are not what I had been training for…maybe I should wear a looser-fitting top; that reminds me that I may need to get new, bigger-sized shirt / top…anyway…that’s the afternoon disgust I got…for the first time I got the wrong attention and felt like being visually “molested” by a member of the opposite gender.

People can be such complicated “biological machines” compared to machinery and mechanical parts or IC on PCBs.

Goal accomplishment style

There are some who are willing to “throw others into fire” for to get their own goals; such are considered selfish

Team Leader: willing to help people around them and want all to be happy and fulfilling their own goals together; such are considered as a leader with a good team player spirit.

Rugged Individualism: will do everything on their own to get a sense of accomplishment; individually, as described by Herbert Hoover, US’s President in the Great Depression era.

The Hermit: Stays in seclusion, lives life on their own and doing things to accomplish goal by remaining low profile in society. But again, their personality might make their goal intention somewhat mysterious. Remember the “Cho Holocaust” in US? That’s one real sinister example.

One short chapter. More will come, to uncover the complicated dimensions of human life.

This has been my weakest link that has been affecting much of my speech. Sometimes, I wonder if it is a medical issue, which is one of the last barrier I have to overcome.

Could it be due to a “lazy tongue”, causing my speech sluriness, a bad throat or as informed, that I hardly open my mouth when I speak or the speech is too hasty? Maybe a speech therapist can help me on this, as I do feel that my throat is somewhat enclosed in some ways.

Need to set aside some time to work on it as I do not want to have this problem for life. So now, downshift from Gear 5 to Gear 3 speedwise, tap a little brake occasionally and some MWE (mouth widening exercises) for better clarify!

Despite missing the second sequel of this movie, the third one as really impacting as the story goes on to tell more about the Flying Dutchman.

Chow Yuen Fatt starrs as the Chinese pirate with the legendary Chinese symbol of power, dragon tattooed on the right of his shaven head. He certainly has aged a lot and still as suave as ever in this role. For the first time in Hollywood movies, he’s co-starring…savvy!

Johnny Depp has gotten more cool this time with his silly movements such as the attempt to drag his vessel on hard ground, which some stone crab colony helped him to move it into the water after the crew with Keira Knightly were swept ashore.

Make up effects were more cool as they showed Orlando Bloom (Turner’s) dad being encased in the vessel with a starfish stuck on his head, mosses and barnacles sticking out from his chin…it sure look alittle gross but that’s what grows in the deep marine life.

Keira Knightly was voted as Pirate King by all the 9 pirate lords; each pirate lord casted a vote for themselves but Johnny Depp casted one more for Keira which deemed her as the Pirate King…her oriental-style pirate costume looks really cool with all those embroidery, letter studs and small hood across her shoulders.

The most stunning appearance of the Flying Dutchman, a cursed ship, is how it charges out of the water from the deeps of seas, with the decayed wood around the vessel, moss-soiled sails and barnacle and coral-infested triple cannons and
Johnny’s “extra” appeared as the moss-engulfed and semi decomposed body from within the walls of the prison which he was in, and took out his brain which was bobbling in his exposed skull…a pretty good special effect done which has been so realistically gross…his silly phrase “nobody moves. I just dropped my brain” when he was searching for his brain that he took out from his exposed skull…gruesome…the “brain” looks like some jelly stuff…haha…

Well…Orlando become the next Captain for Flying Dutchman when he was killed by the octopusy-faced captain David Jones whose heart was pierced and he died, which Orlando’s dad took his son’s heart out and place it in the chest for him to be revived as the new Captain for Flying Dutchman. Every Captain for Flying Dutchman’s heart will be kept in this chest (should be called Dead Man’s chest in second sequel) and they will sail for eternity.

So much for the review…the movie was definitely a great one…worth watching for those who likes pirates…voyages, sea and cannons.

Live on, Pirates of the Carribean!

After watching Pirates, the feeling that I get is these pirates are really cool and were triumphant in their doings…the royal navy seemed helpless against all these justice-seeking pirates where the Endeavour ship was blasted into bits by 2 pirate ships.

Am I a pirate too? Well maybe yes, in the cyberworld and yet a resounding no, as I don’t do it for money.

I am Cybin Pirood (cyber version of Robin Hood) with the Robin Hood code: to leech from the rich and distribute to the the poor users including myself. Cool’s the name isn’t it?

Noble role one could say.

Why pay a hefty sum for a piece of plastic packed in some cardboard box with some paper? Doesn’t it make sense? I’m just trying to make the cyber world a happier place for all users…

Not a suicidal attempt to land me in a lawsuit, but rather to make things happier for all those talents who are unable to fork out a hefty sum to buy the software.

Many thanks to those the Honoury Cracker YK who has taught me this technique in 1998 and I have become an independent Cracker Veteran for sometime.

May the Codes be with you!

Despite missing the second sequel of this movie, the third one as really impacting as the story goes on to tell more about the Flying Dutchman.

Chow Yuen Fatt starrs as the Chinese pirate with the legendary Chinese symbol of power, dragon tattooed on the right of his shaven head. He certainly has aged a lot and still as suave as ever in this role. For the first time in Hollywood movies, he’s co-starring…savvy!

Johnny Depp has gotten more cool this time with his silly movements such as the attempt to drag his vessel on hard ground, which some stone crab colony helped him to move it into the water after the crew with Keira Knightly were swept ashore.

Make up effects were more cool as they showed Orlando Bloom (Turner’s) dad being encased in the vessel with a starfish stuck on his head, mosses and barnacles sticking out from his chin…it sure look alittle gross but that’s what grows in the deep marine life.

Keira Knightly was voted as Pirate King by all the 9 pirate lords; each pirate lord casted a vote for themselves but Johnny Depp casted one more for Keira which deemed her as the Pirate King…her oriental-style pirate costume looks really cool with all those embroidery, letter studs and small hood across her shoulders.

The most stunning appearance of the Flying Dutchman, a cursed ship, is how it charges out of the water from the deeps of seas, with the decayed wood around the vessel, moss-soiled sails and barnacle and coral-infested triple cannons and
Johnny’s “extra” appeared as the moss-engulfed and semi decomposed body from within the walls of the prison which he was in, and took out his brain which was bobbling in his exposed skull…a pretty good special effect done which has been so realistically gross...his silly phrase “nobody moves. I just dropped my brain” when he was searching for his brain that he took out from his exposed skull…gruesome…the “brain” looks like some jelly stuff…haha…

Well…Orlando become the next Captain for Flying Dutchman when he was killed by the octopusy-faced captain David Jones whose heart was pierced and he died, which Orlando’s dad took his son’s heart out and place it in the chest for him to be revived as the new Captain for Flying Dutchman. Every Captain for Flying Dutchman’s heart will be kept in this chest (should be called Dead Man’s chest in second sequel) and they will sail for eternity.

So much for the review…the movie was definitely a great one…worth watching for those who likes pirates…voyages, sea and cannons.

Live on, Pirates of the Carribean!

Twisting and turning on bed for the past half hour even after watching my favourite anime Bleach, still does not render me to feeling sleepy despite how relaxed I have been. Something must be clouding my mind.

One of the reasons I wish to leave my thoughts here is to keep my memories and life’s happenings eternal in cyberspace, as life can be so brittle; I was suddenly reminded of an ex-army friend’s death on Mother’s Day this year where he lay in coma for the past month before taking his leave from this world. He was doing great in his career; though I don’t know him that well as a buddy, the important values of life to survive in the corporate world after my army contract has been true and useful, that brought me this far.

Alex, thank you for teaching me the value of the Chinese saying “出外靠朋友”. You’ll always remain fond in our memories…

This incident gave me a wake-up call, to value life more and to live each day to its best, be it at work, family and spending time with loved ones. Nothing can be more wonderful than having our loved ones being there to encourage us and guide us through this journey of life, a wonderful gift that God has given to us.

I will walk this journey of life and face the challenges ahead, no matter how tough the going gets....

Final shift...

of the 2-week shift duty at my workplace, and I really felt different this time. Now I know what it means to have experience.

I was working with E + G this time and they asked me about what to do for various situations about work and managed to help them. As my knowledge has grown to a substantial amount and during periods of chat, G commented that "we should nominate Melvin as TL" and I smiled quietly. Could this be an affirmation of my skillset having reached a substantial level?

My objective at work has always been to help everyone and ensure everyone works happily together as our nature of work is somewhat different despite being in the same industry as many organisations.

Guess good things are coming out from my near-to-a-year of learning through trail and error...I remember that my proactive and initiative spirit has not been in vain, and this certainly is beneficial to me in terms of experience and credibility.

How true can the word "ATTITUDE" mean! Try adding all the letters together and you should get 100! Start with 1 for A, 2 for B and so on...go try it!

Yeah!