朽木百哉のブォグ

While waiting for my turn to lunch, some things that are floating in my head.

As the time passes, seeing a junior colleague getting to handle matters as what I came intended, does set me to think on both sides. First, her previous experience may have given her an upper hand, and the second and final is that, she has what it takes to be "liked" by those who had "relinquished" my authorities?

I certainly hope that 中女輕男 does not apply in this situation.

Time to make myself publicly visible again.

I chose to lunch alone as I wanted to have this time to myself; maybe something that I had been used to over the past 3 years in my previous workplace? Probably this time round, I just want a full hour of time, physically and mentally away from work.

Well, this has to be gotten used to as time passes by.

As far as how tough things can get, my stand is still to keep it to myself within the organisation and not spread it like a contagious virus. The latter action would certainly put a bad light on me...if things are really not good, people who are smart enough will be prepared to move on.

My company at my desk today is the box of peppermint tea which dearie had bought for me on Sunday; drinking it adds a warmth of comfort that I have someone who cares for me...

Looking forward to solo lunch later; a walk to Funan might be a good idea to keep my mind off the unhappy things.

Another situation where I had been reminded "not to read anything" in the documents I receive and register. My actions of productivity had seemingly deemed to be something which isn't of contributing factor.

What filled my mind was not remorse, but rather, a spell of disappoinment as I was trying to learn some more things so I'll be ready in time to come, but so, the reversal took place.

Well...the best bet each day is to look foward to leaving at 5:30pm.

Had good evening spent with dearie after processing baby Amanda's 1st birthday photos; bumped into her brother and gf who were also at Compasspoin and decided we'll eat a Family Fest at KFC - afterall, it's been awhile and it's also a way to reward ourselves for the hard work we had slogged over the week.

This time round, more quality time spent with dearie.

anther telemarketer? They sure are persistant...

The dreamworld can be so amazing; things that we desired to do, places we desire to go, how we desire to move are all possible as this realm allows the nature of law to be broken.

Thinking about riding the R1, it certainly is a dream, and definitely a wonderful experience, but I rather not be on it in reality. The past injuries are definitely not worth it...afterall I'm not an alloy chassis endo-skeleton hidden under living tissue.

I appeared in a place which carried the aura of yesteryears. Xinling looked upset and upon query, was told that her boyfriend had returned her the cushion she had given to him as a gift, and telling her that that he doesn't want to see her again. My advise to her was to forget about him and move on.

There was a scene that I rode my R1 and was giving Xinling a lift, passing through those conserved buildings near Selegie. When I came to think about it, I don't actually possess a Class 2 riding license and wonder how I could ride in that, considering the horsepower of R1.

Flashthrough to a military shooting range while I continue my search for Weixiong, whom I had lost touch for many years. I was given a paper which is stained with fingerprint from soil and mud, with his name. A guy told me "good luck" for my search as this is the only information they have about him.

It has become the norm that my mind remains active even near bedtime, to the extend of me tossing and turning for sometime before I finally fall asleep without realising.

Like dearie said, having dreams often are signs that I think alot during the hours that I'm awake. But that's just me; thinking about anything that is possible, and things way ahead. No doubt I'm feeling a little sleepy now, when I lay down on bed later, there is still a likelihood that I'll be tossing and turning for awhile once more.

Could it be due to the recent events at work that had stimulated my thinking activities to such extend?

Well, it could be, but it's just also the norm that I don't fall asleep that easily unless there's an intake of alcohol, or simply because I've exerted to an extended capacity at which dearie had wondered why, my energy level is so high.

Such things could be due to the invidual's methabolic rate.

Just hope I can fall asleep soon, and hopefully, a continuation of those dreams where I had left off.

This no is calling me again...high likelihood that they are telemarketers.

Ignored.

A series of dreams during the slumber hours had kept me so tired when I woke up in the morning; it felt so real after 3 consecutive dreams which are the important factors of life; family, friends and hobby.

Well, still, I made it to office early and am spared of the massive squeezing in the train unlike yesterday; just 1 train earlier and the human sardine was overpacked till I could perspire in the train. This morning, it felt cooler.

I was just reading about travelling to Dili but according to Wan, it's not a good idea; probably due to the country's development...but again, still worth a sight; except for the airfare which is a turn off as no budget carrier flies there to date.

I was in the familiar place like the neighbourhood of my home, and saw my mum, carrying an infant nearby. I then asked her whose child is it and she told me that it's my brother...that baby boy is so adorable and busy looking around curiously with his big eyes. Later on, I then learnt that my sis-in-law had given birth to a twin and I could see from my dad's expression that he's overjoyed, as he commented that he has twins as children, so hight chance that it'll run in us.

Further down the conversation, I asked my mum where's the other twin and she told me that he's at home with my sis-in-law, as he's quite a handful to handle; that reminded me of my toddler days where I would cry all day and my brother sleeps. So now, my mum has been promoted to granny and my dad, granddad. I carried him and he smells of the typical baby-milk smell, such a sweet smell and asked if he wants granny to carry him.

Next scene showed me with Songjie and another pal, whom I didn't learn of the name, but he sure resembled the aura of Hoe Yong, who was a BB pal during our ECA days. We were at Songjie's place doing men's talk (finance stuff) and his sister wanted to join us - so Songjie told her that as long as she doesn't feel out of place, by all means. We decided to go out and "Hoe Yong" asked what will I do with my camera, so I told him I'll take pics as and when I like!

The final scene showed me at a grasspatch near my void deck. The lens had was supposed to be a 12-24mm, but it then emerged as an 18-30mm lens, which I was told by the shopowner that there are no more 12-24mms in the market, and so I went on Clubsnap to see it; all greyed and comments of ceased production...and this lens is a Tamron, not Sigma or Nikkor; the shopowner told me that I had paid for it so if you still want to exchange, no problems about that. Fianlly, appeared in a studio and I asked Richard if there are really no more 12-24mms in the market. No reply...

3 thuds and I knew it's morning.

another unknown number who has called me again...this time hung up shortly.

Googled and realised that the caller belogns to Hua Tuo Herbal Products Manufacturing Pte Ltd, Singapore...wonder why did they call me at all?

Such coincidence. Sharon is also at ICA for collection of her passport when I accompanied dearie there this morning. A mild headache as I had slept no more than 6 hours from a busy day which had also been quite mentally draining from work. We had once again visited a rebuilt food centre, this time, near ICA and serves pretty cheap and tasty breakfast.

Here I am, accompanied by dearie while waiting for the go ahead with the car servicing where I had been recommended by the staff to do a simple servicing instead of the mid range package.

Battery power on Macbook looks ok to last me for awhile since I'll be be spending the afternoon at Macdonalds while dearie does her revision. Once again, a weekend for me to catch up on my photoworks; hopefully the weather later is on my side so I can do my outdoor shoot later. Location? Not to be disclosed.

TGIF.

Still, alot of work to clear as a whole stack of invoices came in last evening. As dearie was not feeling well, I could not stay late so I had to move out soon after the official working hours.

Dearie had a nasal voice, citing the fact that she has an ongoing bad flu. Not even the slightest whiff of her favourite pooh can be detected through her nostrils...

I am in luck next week as I am engaged with some photography works with the marketing team during the lunch hour. However, that also translates to late nights as I have to make up on the lost in work during the hours that I'm out of office.

AAR: If my goodwill had been appreciated, things won't turn out the way it did.

I rather not go into details as those who needed to know would've received a summary of it. It'll be pointless to prode on something which had already occured for quite awhile.

This speaks about how true the phrase "one man's meat is another man's poison".

Making my move before sundown, I decided from today onwards, there will be no more late nights.

Infact, I'm feeling much better when I left office at a more proper timing as I deserve more time for myself.

Just 2 more days to go to completion of the week and I'll have another 2 days to rest...thankfully dearie's much better but still better to stay observant on her temperature till everything's stabilised.

The weather had been pretty calm lately. So the SMS about radiation turned out to be a hoax...but in the name of safety, had disseminated it out a few friends and ex colleagues.

I had begun to move into seclusion after thinking about what had happened; lunch done in solitary just for the sake of filling my stomach as I didn't feel like having any company during lunch.

Just 2 more days before the weekend comes again; hopefully by then, dearie will be well and fully recovered from her bad throat and fever since there will be her department's gathering this coming Sat.

Looking at the situation, it might be a better choice that I liberate more time for myself by leaving office earlier after the official working hours. Hopefully, when time comes, I'll be able to work within the capacity initially I came for.

Thinking through what had taken place yesterday was something which one would call something not pleasant. There were a few types of translation to the recepient's end: unappreciation, degrading and misapprehended.

I guess sometimes, human emotions can be the greatest destruction of all times. Things that happened can make one feel like on Cloud 9, or the contrary, the deepest pits of hell. And it takes just one kind soul to reinstate this distrssed soul. Could the dream I had this morning meant something; a kind soul that might take me out of this pit? I certainly can't be sure; although dreams can possibly forecast some true events ahead, I'm no dream interpreter so to speak. Well if I really am one, I wouldn't be here stuck on this deskbound job eh?

Why do I say that misapprehended is present in this sense (being the most applicable description), is that due to the fact I had been nice to share memories of good occasions turned out to cause some ruckus, "somewhere", it does gives me the retraction of contributing to further events. But nevertheless, thinking on the long-shot side, each event will be good practise to build up my portfolio.

Thoughts being thoughts; emotions being emotions, it was meant to address the scenario, and not meant to be directed at anyone.

I just want to express how I felt after analysing the whole situation during my travel this morning.

First scene was at the perimeter of an SAF training area where I was with an ex army colleague, Kwok Yen, nicknamed "tall guy". We were standing at a grass patch just by the dirt road where most trucks are parked or move when they carry troops or supplies out of the area.

On the other side we saw Terence, nicknamed "virgin killer" on his scrambler waiting; strangely, he was on the unimog but later he came over to Kwok Yen and talked to him a little; I can't make out what he was talking about, but apparently, there's some kind of barrier between us. As a matter of courtesy, I smiled and waved to him when I saw him, but he didn't reciprocate.

Later on I asked Kwok Yen what he was waiting for and he mentioned "SBU606U' which is car no. About 20m away, hidden behind some shrubs, I saw it and popped him the question about where his scrambler was, and he told me it had been sold.

"Memories, memories..." I told Shawn about these as they appeared like a motion picture of my ex soldier days 9 years ago when I was still not a specialist yet, when I opened a 'book' and shared about some of the things we did when I was in service.

The next place I appeared was at an office estate in Simei, just opposite Bedok Fire Station and it was already night time. Shawn taught me how to walk back to Tampines from 'here' and the route, no doubt is a dark one, it was one of the quickest way to get home by foot from there.

We talked as we walked as he accompanied me to the start point and showed me how I can make my way home from here. Prior to this, we had been conversing as if we are old time friends; and from the conversation, I could tell that he is a nice person by nature.

Soon, I appeared in a place which resembled the Pierce Ammunition Base where the old building had stood; curved staircase cabin and lowrise administration blocks; now it appeared that there were no demolishing and rebuilding; instead, buildings were preserved and turned into an recreation place which are privately owned; just like those old builidings which got occupied by arts centres.

I saw a few familiar faces but simply can't match names for that moment, but it was like ex soldiers remiscing on the place during the good old days where we served our country at.

We laughed and talked, bearing the ambience, "Memories, memories!"

Feeling better after a day's rest, I managed to have my workout all done before making my way to work.

I had done a massive amount of slumber yesterday and had a little difficulty entering slumberland, thus a little dreamy this morning - the result of oversleeping.

But I guess results turned out positive as rest was something I needed to accelerate recovery.

Work as usual is work, laid with challenges, but sometimes, a little goes a
long way especially when a good gesture had been mistaken for something else. Oh well, I guess it's up to the individual how they translate it.

Enough for the day, but I ended up leaving at 7:10pm. I should look to leave earlier since there is little value in staying later. The dayend 'aftertaste' somehow isn't that pleasant.

Although sick, still picked up some work to do at home since I have remote access.

Mind has been pretty awake after the post dinner recuperation rest and spent a good time talking to dearie on the phone and discussing about our wedding plans.

I've finally settled a little for slumber after that hour or so of work. Hope my mind isn't too active else I have to do weights training to stimulate fatigue.

Feeling much better after a dose of Panadol cold after visiting dearie from
work. She's feeling much better, after a day's rest...more rest and soon she'll
be shining like the beautiful angel whom captured my heart 2 years ago when I knew her...

Her mum had been so nice to leave some dinner for me though I've already packed my own to her place after acquiring a reward for all my hard work these months, at MS Colour, the legendary SB-900, which will definitely come in useful for my event photoshoot.

Her favourite Pooh never fails to bring a smile to my face and heart; it's uncomprehendable fragrance which can't be found elsewhere...

I can't keep her company tonight as I have to do some testing, while also
catching up on recovery and preventing the germs from being shared and manifested.

I'll be well by tomorrow...a quiet and fast journey when I managed to catch my bus home from the distant bus stop from
her place.

What had been meant to be a deep sleep did not take place last night; I had laie on bed for almost an hour aftet medication, however, mind's still active even till the later hours.

Finally, I entered slumberland with the 'administration of calmant', hitting the bed was finally near 1am but by 5:50, I had once again awaken.

I made myself rest longer till I was finally up at 7:26am with the familiar pounding of my room door.

Another day to live through. Throat is still feeling dry but let's hope it doesn't turn worst. The weekend ahead leaves me alot to conquer.

I managed to catch a few episodes of Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles last night till quite late and thereafter, read some photography books and browsed through ebay on some camera parts.

The night had ended late as I had left office with quite a substantial amount which I have to probably stay overnight if I get on to
complete them. That would really be miserable.

Anyhow, workout was completee before sitting down to enjoy the show.

Another day to live before reaching the last day of the week.

Surrounding me was an event liie atmosphere; it had appeared to be NATAS on the 1st level while I am on the 2nd. From the bird's eye view, I could observe the hustle that goes on - travel deals and such.

At the side, I noticed someone familiar stepping in; it is Elva! By natural reaction, many youngsters wanted to take a photo with her and that was when Kok Kiong announced it is allowed (to those who work at NATAS but not for too long, since there are limited people to help out.

This time, I see her with short hair which isn't the usual her that we see in album covers and MTVs. I had my dSLR armed but wasn't taking photos for those NATAS workers as I wanted to take a shot with her.

The next scene showed me resting on a couch and she walked towards me, asking if I had eaten before taking a seat. I had not actually, and was thinkin of playing host and bringing her to try some of the local delights which she possibly haven't tried.

A further chat with her revealed that she has hardly got the chance to try the local delights due to her busy schedule, and that her short hair was somewhat her 'true' image.

What a pleasant encounter. A few thuds on the door brings me back to reality at 7:19am.

Just realised after some clickings that, flights to Siem Reap are done only on weekends, no wonder I can't find any flights even on a Monday.

The skeleton of the backpacking trip is somewhat formed, so filling the gap will be the nitty gritty things which further homework will be required.

What's left is lodging and some background checka of the country.

Another day departing office a late hours. What a taboo thing to happen - when mum asked if I'm coming home for dinner and I said yes, this will take place.

Just wondering if my good approach had been misunderstood by some people at work. No doubt the whole case will not affect the overall performance, I find that it'll be good that I can be of help in some ways.

Again, some things are done differently on the CS aspect when doing filtering on a feedback, so I had expressed where I came from. Acceptance is up to them to translate.

Authority stripped? That was the last phrase that I would want to phase thus scenario.

For the sake of livelihood, I have to hang on...

I was in a place which resembled those stores in Jurong Point which are built along the sides of pillars. An event seem to be going on, and I saw my colleagues, including Derrick and Jessie. Derrick had his dSLR on hand, and on the far corner, spotted Deen.

He has an unusual funky hairdo in a bright orange shirt. This time, he has been spotted with a dSLR, Sony Alpha too. I took aim and finally snapped a shot of him aftet some time.

The event was such that it appeared like a private party or the like.

Next scene showed me at Macdonalds Tampines and there was a guy who rode a really neat looking road bike and had just came out to collect it after visiting the washroom...dearie and I happened to pass by that area.

The 'next day' I saw him again, this time, I helped him look after his bike and when he came back, he greeted me with a smile and I started to ask him about the specs on his bike.

He went through carefully, specifying the different parts and I noticed that even his seat can be locked in a cavity on the top tube of the frame. Sky blue body with lots of motif stickers around, and the strange thing is that the spokes though, can be seen, yet my hand can pass through them as if they were of virtual form. Gearless as he mentioned the bike uses 'silver trinklets' which are hidden in the middle stem of the frame.

I didn't get his name but the tag on this bike was $11k; wow..what a price. That goes how far one can spend for something they really like.

I opened my eyes: 7:14am. Welcome back to the real world

My engine is definitely not fuel-economical. After eating an additional 30% of rice at 12+, all had been digested before 6pm. Just wondering how many calories / hr is that fuel consumption at?

Reaching home soon and looking forward to tasting mum's cooking. A day where I see light before reaching home.

I had done some reading at Takemetotravel.com about Angkor Wat guided tour, which doesn't have quite an attractive itinerary, which costs could be fractionated when I opt for backpacking, with also, liberation of more time to go more places.

I've been planning my travel for awhile with quite a few interruptions in life; I guess the main activities of life such as work and family are still precedent...just want to wrap things up quickly so I can start on the booking and leave arrangement.

DMC4 was certainly enjoyable...if I'm playing on a proper gamepad and able to solve the puzzle!

Another day of battle at work; just wondering if I can wake up early daily as planned, so I can get my doze of endorphine before work, especially for even days where I break from weights regime?

Oh yes, my first leave next Monday!

Let's hope that today will be another good day and I can leave with some peace of mind.