朽木百哉のブォグ

Though feeling sticky due to perspiration from the fiery dinner I had, the journey was set out to pick up Pink and our little one, and brought them to the newly revamped Downtown East.

A wonderful lighting of with the word "Cadbury" greeted us which resembled a ferris wheel, but thereafter, upon closer examination, turned out to be a real ferris wheel under shelter which a family of 3 fares at $15.50. Considering the crowd, we decided to forgo and went exploring at the nearby Fairprice supermart which was newly done up and well-lit.

We skimmed through a few places of the supermart and stopped over at the wine section where Pink suggested we could spend time together drinking and chatting in our own time, while our little one is tucked into bed when we have our own place next time...certainly a good idea as I can hold my liquor pretty well, and Pink can be in good hands when she drinks with me.

A stopover was done after shopping for some groceries and out little one started feasting on the sushi we bought. I had better pay more attention to his nails as they're pretty stained and worried about him getting a stomachache from handling food with his dirty nails.

The outing was short but it certainly is meaningful; the only thing I need to learn, is to accept Pink and our little one's messy habit when we have our own home; something I need to work on to handle it in a positive way.

It had been months since I wrote my thoughts here due to the long hours at work from the forthcoming peak season at our work.

Yesterday was the last day of our beloved AVP at my workplace but I didn't have the time to say good bye to her due to the intensity of workload. It only occured to me when I received her reply from my well-wishes which the kindness in her words triggered my eyes brimming with tears. She had really been a wonderful boss to us, and as far as I know, the nicest boss I had in my working life to date. The fellowship was short but the respect I have for her will last for eternity.

Coming to the thought, she has been someone whom I've always looked up to at work, as I desire to be as successful like her; being in a senior management position and yet such a nice person by nature. It may not be long before we meet again, which I won't know when, where or how.

Clearout, before I start wetting my cheeks.

An evening out with Pink but unable to communicate with her through SMS / call prior to meeting up as my outgoing calls / SMS had been frozen due to unpaid bills with the current financial contrain.

While waitin for her, I ran through my revision for the recently failed examination just to be sure that I get the facts and knowledge seeped int mind. Was a little mentally tired but still okay to spend time with Pink. We sat at an open space eatery in Simei and when Pink mentioned about her meeting up with some manager who is an expert in water treatment, I got turned silent based on the fact that I am not comfortable that she is mingling with important people as compared to the people I am mingling with. That spurred the question in my mind again: "Why am doing this job?"

She did ask me why but I only put it vaguely across to her that it irritates me to hear about her work matters and though she denied, soon after, she snapped at me saying that it is best that she don't talk to me ever which stirred my heart to become harder. Soon after, she told me that though hard-mouthed, she will still think rationally after sometime, but it's too late as she had already let out words that hurt. Despite her asking me repeatedly what went wrong, I didn't say much as I didn't want to make a scene.

After hearing that she missed me, it didn't tingle my heart much as my mind was fully occupied about clearing the exams as my appraisal will be coming soon; though I didn't pass,l I didn't want to tell Pink too much as I wanted to ensure things are stabilised at work and my Amway business, before I can allocate time to spend with her.

Once again the question about why she can be a manager and so well-paid came to my mind as I do not see any reason for me to be inferior to her, but I shan't tell her as this it'll be pointless.

We managed to spend sometime after some shopping at Eastpoint to wrap up the date, which I didn't want her to get the wrong idea that I'm with her only for certain reasons. Sometimes, loving her can be so hurting that I can't put them to words...not trying to sound negative here but I simply can't bring out the words to describe the hurts that she has caused to me through some unpleasant remarks in the past.

The best way for me to forget these hurts is to be successful and earning big bucks...oh well I can't think too much about it now; gotta clear the exams and stabilise the cashflow before talking about anything else. This will be the top priority of my life now.

Quite a mentally tiring day as I was tasked to coach a new colleague on how to take messages and later shared with her some facts of work. Come to think of it, I didn't think that it would be so soon that I was actually tasked to train a junior staff. The path ahead is full of things to learn. Although there may be other things that may be on my mind, but I shan't waste energy dwelling on them but rather, focusing on the important things that I need to settle especially the upcoming exams this Thursday.

Breaktime is not so bored now I manage to chat up with Audrey and found out that she is taking Japanese and Korean language in her post-working hours and we sure had a lot to chat about. Being able to share good health practices especially in food intake was something which I found delight in while doing what I am doing now. It sure was an exceptionally mentally busy day as I could even perspire in the air-con working environment as I was guiding her how to take messages. I had studied a fair bit of the textbook and need to go through them again several times so that the facts will seep into my memory in better readiness for the upcoming exams that I have to clear as soon as possible.

My mind shut down suddenly with a period of comfortable rest while on the way home in the bus though it was stuffy with the malfunctioning air-con in the back cabin of the super-long bus; the snooze was short but it sure provided a moment of my mind stretching out to relax.

Tomorrow might yet be another challenging day but we have some training on which might occupy one half of the day, but in any case, absorb as much as I can, to hasten the learning and be better equipped for work. Somehow, the environment at work is not so tense now as I have got to know my colleagues better and even being able to joke with them on many conversational topics under the sun.

Keeping a good habit of resting early and waking up early, and preparing early for work will be a good step of improvement to my life as the ending of the first 31 days of 2008 is nearing.

Back to work with an inertia that took sometime to take off after I started teaching a new colleague on some work which my colleague Norizan mentioned that it is considered fast for me to be letting a new staff listen in and learn how to handle calls. Well it could be so but I shan't let myself get comfortable at this level.

The big picture is still out there as I continue to expand my Amway business in reaching out to share the goodness of health beneficial from their products.

Day 3, of smoke free. I could feel an ease in breathing and being able to enjoy the right of freedom for fresh air which I had been deprived though I could smoke pretty well, but having shove them into the past of my life, I seek a healthier lifestyle and be able to help more people each day while seeking to be a better person. When Pink told me about her work, all I could react was to listen quietly and not let my emotions go astray as a mixture of feelings stir up about money, social status and many others came up. All I did was to put it across to Pink subtly, in the hope that she will truly understand and be able to know the reason I felt so about it.

There may be so many unhappy things that come into the path of my life but I'm glad I'm learning to cope better with them emotionally instead of harming my own health to vent those frustrations, especially between myself and Pink which we had gone through so much together. I do not require her to thank me, and if she really wants, the best way she can do so is to return with her feelings for me. It's certainly not a derivation from animation dialogues but it sure does make some sense. Many thanks without actions of gratitude prove nothing as actions speak louder than words.

I was able to catch up on some revision for this coming Thu's exams which will be a quick one; just need to clear it once and for good and then the next one on 14 Feb 08. This month isn't quite good for me due to the irregularity of cashflow which can be relieved through the potential of another source of income, and not losing focus to improving my life.

Snoozer time, it will be another Training Day tomorrow before the sky brightens up.

Carrying the stiffness of a shoulder all day is no joke, especially when having trouble checking my left blind spot when driving. Managed to bring Pink out to spend time with her on her birthday and we sure had a great time together. Though it'll be back to work tomorrow but I'm sure I can rest well tonight from the workout I had this afternoon before meeting Pink.

Day 2 o smoke free which I have finally made it up to drop the light and enjoy the freedom of fresher air and cleaner lungs. It could well be the very fact that had been hindering my muscle growth which I had been spending a good deal of effort sculpting them and increasing mass. Many a time I had been too busy with work and many other things such as my Amway business that I had no time to write things here, and I'm glad I did this time.

Training at HQ had been a great time though the only challenge was the heaviness of theory facts resting on our minds that and having to keep up the attention against the after-lunch syndrome which has the greatest effects of people working in office environments. Trainers were great and managed to clear lots of my doubts from work experience before the official training.

It will be my first exams in a long time this Friday, BCP, and thereafter my next exam, CGI, on 14/02 which celebrations for V-Day could be brought forward / later as I don't believe in squeezing with the crowd on that special day as many people will be out with their partners and flooding the eateries or cinemas.

I still do have some struggles on my own about Pink's new job but shan't go into detail on that for now; what matters most is passing my exams and be able to continue working in my company while I build up my Amway business and settle down to take up a part time Diploma, thereafter going for a Degree.

A step to start off on product usage has been laid down when I browsed through the catalogue and putting them into writing; these will