朽木百哉のブォグ

2:00AM

Mental processing functionality slowdown from day's fatigue has not stopped me from being able to carry out work to guide E in email correspondence since I have been tasked not to handle any.

It has been a great experience of being approached by those who need to check certain work-related issues with me. How true can value of experience be, since it has come of certain time that I have reached here. Complacency cannot enter now but the more I should keep up with skills and knowledge so as to be truly good at what I am doing while increasing credibility.

Butt planting all day for during work can be pretty "dangerous" to my physical appearance, thus countermeasures of exercises come in to keep myself healthily occupied before, during breaktime or after work.

Things will be back as per normal when I get a good rest after knocking off, while the body adjusts itself to maximum funcationality in the night. Speech clarity has improved gradually which I need to apply in my personal life too, especially to Pink so as to end tormenting her withe endless mumbles from my seemingly stiffened lips...more practice is needed to work on this to make it a good habit.

1:44am

Current work is not what's called a career in my context, but a training ground for greater challenges ahead.

Great is the fellowship and company in my workplace which I have found fun and acceptance of my cranky personality to bring joy and laughter to people around me...would I make a good comedian like Gurmit who never failed to amuse me with his role as Phua Chu Kang in the sitcom? A huge resounding "no" to that.

I strongly seek recognition for my efforts which I pushing myself against upper limits to move up as I deal with struggles in various dimensions.

Here comes the question which I had constantly been thinking through: Should I cut the rope and dive into realty, or should I continue pursuing higher levels of employment? The latter will require certain skillsets and the SED (standard entry document): Qualification, which I do not have an established specialised field.

Thoughts of re-entering military life did seep in a little but past experiences has shunned me away from reviving the vicious cycle life again.

Materialistic cruelty is subtle yet very true in this world that we live in, that forces a person to success or drives one to failure depending on how it is being handled. Some people handle finances well by making debt work for them and turning them into wealthy beings over time. Some, on the other hand, plunge deeper into it with poor handling or poor usage, resulting in a devastated life, or even leading to their deaths.

A different perception of this world, one would say, but again, facts are facts.

Pink will be away for a week abroad for work, so the rest of the week will be lonesome without her voice, company and presence...some things to do to keep myself company to help the day time pass, catch up on my rest and twitch a little to the new training program.

Another setback awaits me at the end of July till mid August when she will be away for 2 weeks, this time to a further destination at a different time zone, but again, I have already gotten used to her constant absence.

What will the future be like for us? There are some uncertainties while sustaining my positivity towards changes in our lives. I'll set the questionable part upon myself, as to my earning capacity. Though not mentioned from her lips, I know very well that she will be more than glad that I can earn substantially to provide for her and little one.

Her positiveness and trust in me, has led me on to improve my personal growth towards career improvement.

Time fleets by so quickly and there had been so much improvement in emotional management within, as well as the "side-effects" of self-shutting of desired expressions, that many a time that I wanted to tell Pink but shutted within.Previous experiences had made me shut conversation with her that worried her, but the main purpose non-guilt imposing but rather a "withdrawal symptom" when I had a "verbal strikedown" from my most beloved...

Still in the process of learning how to make my voice and pronounciation crisp clear and audible like Terrence's...really sounds comfortable to hear his voice - the 2nd thing to notice about him apart from his lean and towering height.

Been listening hard to how people talk around me to break my normal talking habits and speak clearer; this has yet been the most challenging barrier in my life that I need to supercede.

The morning was gently greeted by the cooling gentle breeze caressing my oil-slicked body from as I iron my shirt in slumber to commence work for the day, with a suggestive sky tone of upcoming torrential rain, accompanied by rustling leaves.

It was a really warm day, despite my high tolerance, my enhanced perspiration caused my t-shirt to be soaked with perspiration as I snoozed in the radiation under the shelter and sunshade in my car, while waiting for pinka to finish her work. Chasm-like perspiration caused neck and chest area to be beet root coloured from rashes.The night ended with endless yawns and blurry eyes while I attempted to play on Granado Espada to level up the Stances, but fatigue are getting better of me, and decided to retire for the night.

Many dreams occurred during the night, of one which I was sitting in a meeting, to learn about how to time needed to go assume up to management level in NCS, from my ex Assistant Manager Jennifer, who was drawing in the whiteboard and explaining in detail to a group of people, whose countenance I remember not.

The scorching fiery day was the second after helping pinka to clear up her company’s leased apartment, to ease cleaning process which she has engaged a cleaning contractor for spring cleaning, at Bayshore.It was fun, Bayshore’s really a nice place with a seaview from master room which rockets the price of that particular property from locations. The view, I would say, it’s so vividly in my mind and want to stay in that place…high up with minimal urban distractions and the serenity…

Back to reality; many uncertainties of when I will attain ownership of such apartment, with additional overwhelming wealth that I can give my beloved such an enjoyable life, to be able to soak in bathtub, swim in the facility-provided pool in the estate, or simply spending time to relax, enjoy a relaxing afternoon shopping amidst the hustle of busy working class at Millenia Walk, and frequently nail salons as often as possible. Yes, such things may seem really materialistic, but it does, to certain extend, change the way that people view me.

Not much has been written over the weekend as I had been tired due to shift work and the moderately heavy workout programme which I had.

Was late for work this morning after fetching pink to work; was pretty upset about it due to incentive and my good records of attendance being affected…I just need a little time to get over it and move on.

I was reminded by Shufang’s “if you have a big heart” to keep the relationship going, which material and status issues had been something that had been troubling me for the past year that goes on and off like a whiff of flu.

Phoo…time flies…it’s already past 5 before I know it…the day went pretty fine for me as I managed to clear things up with pink about my incentive issue. I have find ways to make back that sum which has been forfeited from my lateness today…

Lying in bed since past midnight after a good shower and a miniature pumping iron session, mind could not enter slumber despite the comfort and quiet night.Mind had been racing on the matters of future, what I should be doing practically versus that of what I like.

Images of John Cena's powerful bod has inspired me to pump harder to gain that physique of strength and bulk flashed through my mind.It also occured to me to awaken my sheer delight in lights, flashes and clicks with the SLR which as turned digital and getting more affordable with better technologies as techies advances...doing such will require a haul of funds to get the equipments I need.I find delight the creative line in search for glamour and be in the limelight.

How I envy those movie stars making big bucks and the premiere they attend for the various movies they have filmed in...just how far am I toward glory and riches? For men, power wealth and social status are the main "gauges of measurement"...I'll never forget that moment that G* from B*A* squashed me with his "riches".

Unforgiveable.